Travels with a Barbie
by Tanba Josav
Summary: Just what was the Doctor doing with a Barbie doll on a Russian submarine? Surely I'm not the only one asking this question? COMPLETE


TRAVELS WITH A BARBIE

DISCLAIMER: Doctor Who belongs to the BBC and thank you RTD for helping to bring him back. This is an exercise of love and no money is being made from it.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is set late in the seventh season. Slight spoilers, sweetie, for Cold War.

* * *

'_Sophie!'_

The little girl in the hospital bed looked up from her drawing, a slow smile creeping across her face at the mention of her name.

The man who had shouted strode down the quiet ward, arms thrown wide open, jacket flapping in his wake. 'Love the headscarf, haven't grown your hair back then?' he said as he stopped next to her bed.

With a shake of her head Sophie reached up and patted the bright pink scarf with little bunnies that covered her bald head. 'Hi, Doctor Smith.' She said quietly.

'Oh, Doctor, just Doctor.' The Doctor said. 'You know what you should do?' he waited until Sophie shook her head. 'You should think really hard about what colour your hair should grow back as, I think purple would look really good on you.'

Sophie began to giggle. 'It doesn't work like that.'

'Really, are you sure? Because I was thinking of shaving my head and growing my hair back ginger. What do you think?' he stepped back and turned side on. 'I'd look cool as a redhead.'

Still giggling Sophie shook her head again.

'No?' the Doctor looked disappointed. 'Everyone says that. But,' he pointed a finger at Sophie, 'definitely purple for you.'

'Not purple.'

'Oh, what colour would you choose then?'

Sophie scrunched up her face and thought about it for a moment. 'Blue.'

'Blue, blue, what kind of blue?'

Sophie looked across at the table next to her bed where her crayons rested next to an almost untouched dinner plate. She picked out a crayon in the shade of bright blue and handed it over to the Doctor.

The Doctor stepped back and held the crayon out in front of him. He closed one eye and stuck the tip of his tongue out of the corner of his mouth. 'Nah, I don't –' he stepped to his right and tipped the crayon on an angle. 'Oh yeah, blue!' he straightened up and handed the crayon back to Sophie. 'Good choice.'

She accepted the crayon back and waggled it in front of her face for a moment before dropping it back on the table.

'So,' the Doctor clapped his hands together. 'How you been?'

Sophie just shrugged.

'Tough audience, I know how about on a scale of one being brussel sprouts and ten being whoohoo swimming pool full of custard what would you be?'

Sophie thought about it for a minute or two. 'Um, three I guess?'

'Oh, three, what's that hospital food?' the Doctor asked glancing at the dinner plate. He reached out with a finger and gingerly poked at the bread and butter pudding. 'Eew that might even be alive, I wouldn't touch that if I was you.' He whispered.

'Yeah,' Sophie just sighed.

'Well cheer up, I bought a friend.' The Doctor pulled out a Barbie doll from his jacket. 'She wanted to tell you what she's been up to.'

'Bebe!' Sophie reached out and took the doll from the Doctor's hands.

'And we bought photos, scoot over.' The Doctor sat down on the side of Sophie's bed and pulled out a cloth covered bundle from his pocket. 'Where's your photo album?'

Sophie pointed to the bedside table and the Doctor reached over to pull the drawer open and retrieve a small album which he then placed on the little girl's lap. 'So, you wouldn't believe where we've been this time,' he began to say, opening the bundle to reveal a small stack of photos.

'Where?' Sophie asked as the silence began to lengthen.

The Doctor looked up. 'Bebe is going to tell you.'

Sophie looked at the doll. 'She is?'

'Course she is!' Both Sophie and the Doctor looked at the mute doll. 'Starting . . . _now_!'

The doll just looked back at the pair of them.

'Come here,' the Doctor plucked the doll from Sophie's hands and glared at it. 'I told the stories last time; I thought we agreed it was your turn.' He held the doll up to his ear. 'Well, yes I know I am.' He twiddled with his bow tie. 'Oh fine,' he handed the doll back to Sophie. 'I'll tell the story, shall I?'

Sophie opened the album to a blank page and waited for the Doctor to begin.

'Ah,' he said picking one photo out of the pile. 'Here we are skiing on the moon Scooter's Place in the Andromeda Galaxy.'

Sophie took the photo from the Doctor and looked at it. 'The snow's really pink!'

'I know! I thought it was alien goo but it turns out its some form of algae that tints the snow.'

'Cool.' Sophie placed the photo into the album. 'What's next?'

'Ah,' the Doctor flicked through some more photos. 'Here's one.'

The photo he handed over was of the Doctor, Bebe and a group of bearded, hairy men all sitting around a table.

'Ancient Vikings,' the Doctor explained. 'Had to sneak that photograph, Sophie, Vikings aren't very fond of having their picture taken.'

'Why?'

The Doctor grinned. 'Because cameras hadn't been invented yet. They ate a lot of fish and sang all the time. Bebe didn't like it much; she thought the Vikings were too smelly.' The Doctor fanned out the photos in front of him, like he was about to perform a card trick, and held them up so Sophie couldn't see what was on them. 'You choose the next one.'

Sophie chewed on her bottom lip before reaching out and tapping on photo. 'This one.'

'Ooh, good choice.' The Doctor turned the photo around so Sophie could see it. It was Bebe sitting in the middle of a group of purplish small aliens. 'Can you guess what this is?'

'No,' Sophie breathed.

'Turns out Bebe is the exact likeness of these guys' god.'

'No, she's not.' Sophie laughed at the idea.

'Yes, she is! These little fellas live on the ice planet of Dalastair and Bebe looks exactly like their god, they have paintings of her on the walls and everything. Imagine my surprise, it took me a whole week to get near enough to her to attempt an escape. I'm still not sure she's happy about it.' The Doctor picked up Bebe from off the bed. 'If it wasn't for you I think she'd still be there.'

Sophie took the doll from the Doctor's hands and hugged her tight.

'No, no, no, who took this one?' The Doctor waved a photo about. 'Was it you, Bebe?'

Sophie reached out and snatched the photo to reveal a close up picture of the Doctor squinting into the camera.

'Blimey, look at my chin.' The Doctor jutted out his chin at Sophie and scratched it. 'It's not that big, is it?'

'Well.'

The Doctor jumped up off the bed and put on a hurt face. He turned to the boy in the next bed. 'Jimmy, what do you think?'

'It's huge.' Jimmy stated.

The Doctor's mouth dropped open in shock. 'So's your ears! Grow some hair and cover them up.'

Jimmy just laughed and went back to his comic.

The Doctor turned back to see Sophie sorting through the rest of the photos.

'What's this one?' She asked, holding out one.

'Oh that one,' the Doctor answered. 'Yes, that was a scary one. Bebe was almost kidnapped by Russian submariners.'

Sophie frowned at the new word. 'Sub-what?'

'Russians on a submarine, they thought she was a spy. Luckily a Martian Ice Warrior was onboard and distracted them for a while until I was able to get her back safe and sound. Captain Zhukov,' he gestured to the photo. 'He's the one with the beard; let us go after we defeated Skaldak. He's not in the photo, pity that would have made an excellent addition to your album.'

'There aren't any Martians.' Jimmy noted from his bed.

'Oh yeah?' The Doctor retorted. 'Bit of an alien expert are we?'

'There's no atmosphere on Mars,' the teenager explained. 'So there can't be any aliens.'

'Well I admit the party life on Mars is a bit grim,' the Doctor replied with a wink. He turned back to Sophie. 'So which photo next?'

* * * DW * * * *

Nurse Sanders stood in the doorway watching the children and the strange man when a voice spoke up behind her, causing her to jump slightly in surprise.

'If you're looking for something to do, Nurse.'

'Oh,' Nurse Sanders turned around to address the older woman behind her. 'Nurse Drummond, I was just about to collect the dinner trays when I noticed a stranger on the ward.'

Nurse Drummond stepped around Sanders and looked into the ward. 'Oh that's just Doctor Smith.' She said with a smile.

'Bit late for rounds isn't it?' asked Sanders.

'Oh, he's not an oncologist, Nurse Sanders, he's a clown doctor.'

'Since when can we afford a clown doctor?'

'He turned up a few months ago and he had the right credentials. Besides,' Nurse Drummond smiled at the memory, 'the little kiddies love him.'

Nurse Sanders was a little surprised to hear the mild tone in Nurse Drummond's voice. Here was a woman renowned throughout the hospital for her fierce protectiveness to the paediatrics ward and no nonsense attitude when it came to alternative medical practices standing there practically moon eyed over some amateur clown quack.

'He doesn't look like a clown doctor,' Sanders observed. 'Don't they have big red noses and large shoes? His tie doesn't even have polka dots on it.'

'Oh well, the way he explains he's really an alien from outer space pretending to be a clown doctor.'

Sanders raised an eyebrow at that statement. 'Well I guess that might get the older boys attention. But I can't see why that would entertain the younger ones. He'd be better off with balloon animals.'

'Oh it gets better, he also can travel through time in a magic blue box that is bigger on the outside . . . or was it the inside?' Drummond shrugged. 'I can't remember.'

'Well he certainly has an imagination.'

'Oh its utter nonsense of course, but the kiddies can't get enough of it.'

'He seems awfully interested in Sophie.' Sanders observed.

Drummond gave a small laugh. 'First day he arrived Sophie called him a liar and funny looking.'

Sanders smiled. 'Sounds just like Sophie.'

'Doctor Smith said he'd prove Sophie wrong. But since she was too sick to travel with him he'd take her dolly off on an adventure instead.'

Sanders shook her head. 'How would that prove anything?'

'Photographic evidence.' Drummond pointed towards the pair bent over Sophie's photo album. 'He takes photographs and brings them back to show Sophie.' Drummond leaned in close to Sanders and lowered her voice. 'They're very clever but completely fake. It's amazing what you can do with Photoshop these days. You should ask Sophie if you can look at them.'

'Maybe I will.'

'My personal favourite is the one of Smith and the dolly eating hamburgers with Elvis Presley.'

'He must have found an impersonator.' Sanders said.

'Must have.' Drummond agreed.

Sanders frowned. 'What is he doing now?'

* * * DW * * * *

The last of the photos had been explained and catalogued in the album, and then the album safely put away in the bedside table.

The Doctor stood up. 'Right, time to see how sick you really are.'

Sophie watched the Doctor take out his magic wand. He pressed a button and the tip glowed green as it hummed and buzzed in his hand. The Doctor ran the wand up and down Sophie's body a couple of times before, with a theatrical flourish; he extended the end of the wand and held it up to his face.

'Ah,' he said.

'What?' Sophie asked.

The Doctor pressed his palm down on the end of his wand before turning to Sophie with a grin. 'You're getting better!'

'Do me, do me!' Jimmy demanded from his bed.

The Doctor pulled a face at Sophie but turned and did his same trick with Jimmy.

'Well?' Jimmy asked, almost too afraid to hear the answer.

'Oh great,' the Doctor tucked his magic wand away in an inner pocket of his jacket. 'You're getting better too.' He said glumly before turning and winking at Sophie as Jimmy whooped at the news.

'Now,' the Doctor pulled out some lollipops from his trouser pocket and handed one to Sophie. 'Time for your medicine.'

'I'm not supposed to have sugar.' Jimmy said, catching the lollipop that was thrown his way.

'It's not a normal lollipop,' the Doctor explained. 'It's from the twenty-fifth century; it's full of nano-widgets.'

'Nano-what?' Jimmy asked with a snort.

'Widgets, teensy little _things_ that run through your body and make it better.' The Doctor rubbed his hands together as he shifted his weight from foot to foot. 'Okay I know they're really nano-genes, but I think widgets sound much cooler, don't you?'

Jimmy just shrugged in agreement as he unwrapped the lolly and stuck it in his mouth.

'Now, remember to eat _all_ of it. I had to tweak the recipe and dilute the widgets a little.' The Doctor explained. 'Can't have you cured all at once, this century frowns on miracle cures for some reason.' He pointed at both of the children in turn. 'Eat it all!'

'Alright, alright.' Jimmy muttered around a mouthful of lolly.

'Good,' the Doctor grinned as tossed a lollipop up into the air and caught it again. 'Better hand out the rest of these, then.'

This was usually the time when the Doctor wandered through the ward chatting with the other children before leaving.

'Oh,' the Doctor turned back to Sophie. 'Can you look after Bebe for a little while? It's just that I have this friend Clara and – '

'Ooh, Doctor's got a girlfriend!' Jimmy crowed.

'No, no! It's not like that at all, we're just friends.' The Doctor tried to explain.

'Dolly's cramping your style?' Jimmy asked.

The Doctor opened and closed his mouth a few times before frowning at Jimmy. 'Shut up!' he turned his back on the boy and looked at Sophie.

Sophie just hugged Bebe and nodded at the Doctor. 'Say bye-bye, Bebe,' she instructed the doll.

The Doctor gave Bebe and Sophie a casual salute before turning away and walking towards the door. 'Benny, have you ever ridden a dinosaur?' he asked the two-year old boy opposite Jimmy's bed.

* * * * DW * * * *

'He's really a clown doctor?' Nurse Sanders asked as they watched the Doctor handing out lollies to the children. 'That can't make much money.'

'I wouldn't know.'

'I wonder if he's single.' Sanders mused.

'Now, now,' Drummond replied with a little laugh. 'You wouldn't be the first to wonder that, m'girl. Practically every nurse in the hospital has tried to ask him out on a date.'

'And?'

Drummond shrugged. 'Turned them all down, that's when he even _knew_ they were asking in the first place.'

Sanders just sighed. 'Typical, he's probably gay.'

'Well there was that one time he came in with a lovely young man, what was his name?' Drummond drummed her fingers on her bottom lip as she tried to remember. 'Rodney? Randy? It was something like that. Fellow was dressed as a Roman of all things, the kiddies loved that.'

'A Roman?'

'Said he was on his way to a fancy dress party or some such. Ooh, here he comes.' Nurse Drummond said as the pair of women watched the Doctor finish talking to the last of the children and began walking towards them. 'Now whatever he says, just go along with it. It's easier that way.'

'What do you mean?' Nurse Sanders asked, a little worriedly.

'Oh its nothing,' Nurse Drummond gave a dismissive wave. 'He's harmless, just a little . . . you know, eccentric.'

'_Doreen!_' the Doctor walked up to Nurse Drummond, placed a hand on either shoulder and kissed the air next to her cheeks. 'How's the wife and kids?'

'Its husband and kids, Doctor Smith, and everyone's fine thank you.'

'Really are you sure?' the Doctor scratched his head. 'I'm sure that's how Horace, the janitor, starts all conversations.'

'In fact,' Drummond continued, totally ignoring what the Doctor was saying, she was so glad to finally share her good news. 'Our eldest is expecting her first child later this year. I'm going to be a grandmother, imagine that!'

The Doctor's face fell at the news. 'No, no, this is terrible. I'm seeing a lot of that around here. In fact,' he pointed to the ceiling, 'there's a whole ward of little crying things upstairs. Its like there some sort of epidemic going on, or . . .' he face lit up at the thought. 'Maybe its some sort of invasion!' he pulled out some metal tube from his jacket pocket. 'I could investigate that if you like.'

'Oh, no, that's quite alright Doctor Smith,' Nurse Drummond hastened to explain. 'Babies are perfectly normal, thank you. No investigations necessary.'

'Oh,' the Doctor's face fell at the news and he put the tube away. 'If you insist.' He turned to Sanders. 'Who are you, I don't know you.'

'Oh, I'm Nurse Angela Sanders.'

The Doctor scrunched up his face. 'Blimey, there's a lot of you called Nurse around here, must get confusing. How about I call you by your middle name, Angela?'

'Oh,' Sanders looked towards Nurse Drummond for help in dealing with this obvious madman. But the older woman just smiled and nodded at her. 'Okay, I guess.'

'Right,' the Doctor looked from one woman to the other before clapping his hands together. 'Almost forgot,' he reached into a trouser pocket and pulling out a lollipop held it towards the older woman. As Nurse Drummond reached out towards the lolly he snatched it back at the last second. 'How's your arthritis?'

'Oh,' Drummond primly folded her hands in front of her stomach. 'Much better thank you, Doctor Smith. I told you it would improve once summer arrived.'

The Doctor smiled as he handed over the lolly. 'Yes, you did. Never argue with a nurse, I always say.'

Sanders smiled at his words. 'Wish more doctors thought like that.'

'So you're off then, Doctor Smith?' Drummond asked.

The Doctor glanced at his watch. 'Yes, off to rescue the universe. Save damsels in distress, something like that.'

'Sounds exciting,' Drummond said, 'so we'll see you next month?'

The Doctor threw his arms out in a 'who knows' gesture. 'Next month or last week, whichever comes first. Wait,' he pointed at the two women. 'Did you see me last week?'

Sanders was amazed that Nurse Drummond actually thought about that sentence before replying. 'No, Doctor Smith,' she said. 'We didn't see you last week.'

'Right,' the Doctor rubbed his hands together. 'Good to know.' He repeated the air kissing gesture with Nurse Drummond, then tried to attempt it on Sanders but the younger woman stepped back at the last moment to avoid him. He waved goodbye and began walking away. 'Sometime next month,' he said over his shoulder. 'Just not a Thursday, because Thursday's are rubbish.'

'But Doctor Smith,' Drummond called out after him. 'Today is Thursday.'

The Doctor stopped into front of the elevators and looked back at them in surprise. 'Well that explains everything.' He said, as if his statement actually explained everything. The elevator doors opened with a 'ping' and the Doctor stepped inside. 'Blimey these things are smaller on the inside.' They heard his say as the doors closed.

The two nurses stood there for a few minutes after Doctor Smith had left. Everything seemed so quiet now he was gone, like the aftermath of a hurricane.

'What are the chances he suffers from ADHD?' Sanders asked.

'It would explain most things.' Drummond agreed. 'Oh,' she opened her hand and exposed the lollipop sitting in her palm. 'How rude, would you like it?'

Sanders shook her head. 'I'm on a sugar free diet.'

Drummond pulled a face. 'You're not going to like next week's morning tea then. It's all cupcakes and donuts I'm afraid.'

Sanders sighed, like she was used to this situation. 'I'll bring something from home.'

'Good idea.'

The two nurses looked at each other.

'Well I should go clean up those plates.' Sanders said.

Drummond nodded. 'And I have paperwork to finish.'

The women turned and walked off in different directions.

The hospital settled into its night time routine and over the ticking of a faulty fluorescent light a faint roaring wheezing sound was briefly heard.


End file.
